Stickler??

Here's a question for you.  Do you think that kids should have to dress "appropriately" for an event. Or should we let kids be kids and lighten the hell up?

I hate to say it, but I think I lean in the dictatorial direction. Sam entirely dresses himself and since all he wears are jeans and ts -- there's no clothing shockers there.  He still lets me buy his clothes, and I don't think he gives a care about clothes.  Tess mostly dresses herself and she LOVES to match.  Even her underwear.  So mostly she looks put together, but I will confess I did teach her how to match clothes and I do have some rules (no PJs outside of the house, has to be seasonally appropriate). But I don't ask her to change, even if she clashes.

But I know lots of parents who give their kids a lot more freedom with clothing choices.  And it's not that I think that's wrong at all -- it's just not my thing.  I see kids in their nightgowns and princess costumes, or in a plaid t, plaid shorts and plaid shirt -- in a cornucopia of colours. It's cute and amusing - I actually like to see what their little minds can come up with.  I just don't think it would occur to my kids to do that. 

But what about if the occasion demands a certain style?  Tess recently had her year end "gala" at preschool.  All the classes are together so there's close to 100 kids. They rent a local theatre, they sing a dozen songs in three languages.  There are still lots of kids picking their noses and lifting their skirts above their heads, but it is a big production.  All the teachers dress semi-formal, all the parents are asked to dress nicely, as are the kids.

As you might expect there were kids in everything from a kiddie tux to khakis and shirts.  From poofy prom-like dresses to simple sundresses.  But even with all that range it would all be classified as their "good" clothes.  Then one boy shows up in Batman Underroos and a Batman cape. I overheard the mother say, "oh when I told him he had to dress up he assumed I meant in costume and I couldn't get him to change."

What did she mean she couldn't get him to change???  She's the parent. I don't get it.  I assume she meant she didn't want the fuss of getting him to change, but you know what, this is one time where I think that she should have put her foot down. It was inappropriate and I thought it was disrespectful for the facility and the teachers who put in all the work. Yes I know this is preschool -- but the school makes a big deal out of this and I think if you attend you should respect their wishes.

What do you think?  Am I being ridiculous?  Should kids be able to reflect their fashion independence at all times? What is your clothing policy?

Comments

[Amy F]

I'm with you, with Sam-like kids who don't care at all what they're wearing. We put button-down shirts and nice pants on them for church and for the round of weddings last year, they had mini sport coats. Peter has to wear a uniform for school -- navy pants, white collared shirts, with optional school sweaters/vests/sweatshirts and he'll put up a fuss about getting dressed, but that's because he's tired and not a morning person. We're not leaving until he's got that uniform on, though.

[Emily]

I lay out the girls' clothes each morning. There is to be no fuss about clothes; wear what's on your bed. With two girls, I am hoping to fend off to "inner female clothing monster". Granted, sometimes I'll tell them to just go get dressed to see what they choose and they end up picking an outfit I would've had picked. For church, events, etc., I lay out a dress or whatever is appropriate. Do they have favorites? Absolutely. However, like you said _I_ am the parent. I get the final say...

[Summer]

I absolutely believe that kids should dress appropriately for events! Of course, I would also really like it if ADULTS would dress appropriately, too.

I believe that dressing up shows your respect for whatever event you are attending, and for a kid, it also makes it clear that this is not an everyday event and that good behavior is required to go along with the good clothes! Honestly, though, it bothers me a lot more when I see adults dressed inappropriately. I can understand parents not buying fancy clothes for small children because they'll be outgrown or destroyed so quickly, so if a kid is wearing sneakers at a wedding, I'll overlook it, because I understand that his mom wouldn't want to buy a pair of dress shoes he would only wear once. But adults? C'mon. Surely you have something nicer than worn-out sweatpants you could wear to church. If you're at a restaurant where the entrees start at $25, that means you can afford a real pair of shoes rather than slopping in wearing a pair of grubby rubber flip-flops.

But in the case you mentioned, Jenn, that REALLY crossed a line. The kid left the house wearing UNDERWEAR. Every parent should be able to enforce basic rules like YOU HAVE TO WEAR PANTS.

[Alicia Gibson]

I completely agree with you! Some parents forget that THEY ARE THE PARENTS and should be in charge. Boggles my mind. And I get on a big soap box about it, but I'll spare you that lol.

[Lynn]

I am pretty slack about that stuff too (which drove Matt crazy). We went shopping the other day and Jeremy was wearing pj bottoms and no shirt (bad mum!). I figured, he isn't naked, so we are good to go.

If they have a special event I like to make sure they look nice.

I never interfere with their wardrobe choices, I figure personal style is just that...."personal". Eden is so damn picky, she wouldn't let me pick her clothes anyhow. I can't buy anything anymore without her prior approval or she will not wear it.

Frankly, you gotta pick your battles and for ME, this battle isn't worth it.

Lynn

[Margaret]

I lay clothes out for my kids every day. Even for Noah at 8 and he doesn't seem to mind one bit. If I leave it to them, they will wear their Super Mario shirts or Star Wars every day. Paisley is only 2, so it is not an issue yet.

I agree with you 100%, my kids will not leave the house in pj's or anything that isn't appropriate. I wouldn't even let them wear the sweats with the cuffed bottoms out. I hate those things! My issues totally.

[Rose]

Funny, that's one battle I've not had with my three children. Mine know that they get dressed before breakfast and that they need to match. They get to choose the clothing but know that they have to pick something suitable for what we are doing that day, be it dress or casual. I guess I've always just taught it from when they were tiny. Mine will even ask me if that combo goes, but seem to have a half decent sense of color matching.

[Rebekah]

I thank my lucky stars that so far Aidan and Ronan both don't care much what they wear ... every once in a while they will express an opinion, but it's never been anything outlandish, so if I can I TRY to say yes. I'm just praying this baby is also easy-going. I have friends whose kids are super particular and I know that would really try my patience.

At first glance I thought the boy wasn't being disrespectful, but after re-reading what he wore ... um YEAH, underwear and a cape is unacceptable! And I totally agree that the mother seems to have forgotten that she's the parent. Plaid on plaid would be one thing, but Underroos? Those ARE underwear-like, right? PLEASE.

[Spacemom]

I will make my oldest change if she is clashing and I feel dizzy looking at her. If it just clashes, I let her know that she clashes and that she might need to just suck up with teasing.
However, if it is a formal occasion, they are expected to dress formally. They can choose any of their favorite dresses, but it must be formal.

And when she said "Couldn't get him to change", it might not be worth it to her to fight that battle. You never know what a child or family might be dealing with that day, month, year, so I usually sigh and make my comments in my head and be done with it! :)

[Jeanette LeBlanc]

We've got a 'their bodies, their choice' deal in this house for the most part. It's as much about respecting personal autonomy as it is about choosing my battles - and after the last two years of my life and the perspective gained from the journey, fighting with them because I wish they would dress differently just seems a silly waste of time.

Julie lives in dresses, skirts and shirts, but she picks her own and changes twenty times a day, at leas:) Some of the combos are pretty crazy, which is why I love dresses...no matching required :) They often don't match, and princess dresses are everyday wear. She also likes to decide on her own hairdo (one braid, one pony tail, or two pony tails on the side and a braid in the back are both common choices).

Bella only wears boy clothing (including underwear), baggy pull on shorts and t-shirts mostly. In warm weather, button up shorts and a plaid button shirt are about as dressy as she gets. Last year for Christmas eve she wore and entire black suit, tie and dress shoes ('like a president!' she said....)

No, it's not how I would dress them, but I find it amusing and I like to see how their personalities impact their clothing choices (for Julie, it's all about the look, the flashier the better, and for Bella comfort rules - she cares what things feel like first, and what they look like second).

That being said, there are some guidelines. No princess dresses at preschool, clean clothes and brushed hair, etc. Underwear at a school concert? Yeah, the mom should have been able to guide that one a bit:)

Jeanette